Evolving Past Dinner Catch-Ups

Adult friendships are hard. As Tim Urban puts it in his recent blogpost on WaitButWhy,

In college, you’re in the perfect friend-making environment, one that hits all three ingredients sociologists consider necessary for close friendships to develop: “proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other.” More friendships happen.

I've found that post-college friendships fall easily into a trap of just grabbing a meal and updating each other on our lives since the last time we saw each other. While these meals are nice, they only serve as a status-update, bringing each other up to speed on today. Instead of creating new memories together, you're focused on just giving a report on what's been happening the past month.

And, Grabbing a meal is easy. Especially if you live in a big city, there's an unlimited amount of places to eat, so it's simple to just call up a friend you miss, and go to the next place on your list you wanted to visit. However, when I look at the deepest friendships in my life, they tend to be built on shared memorable experiences. 

With a little more planning, you can have those same catch-up sessions while also creating new interesting memories beyond sitting down in a restaurant. I keep a running list of activities/adventures that I think are interesting. I pair that with my list of friends I want to consistently catch-up with to have an easy list to refer to so we don't get caught into the "let's get lunch/coffee" trap. Whenever I have a free weekend or evening, I look to see who I haven't caught up with in a while, and find an activity for us to do.

I'll be real - I'm not always good about this, especially because I think dining at a new restaurant is sometimes the most exciting thing that I want to experience that week. But, I'm attempting to build out systems that will make this adventuring as easy as pushing a button.

When we are older, sitting on the porch reflecting back on our lives, we're not going to remember the dinners - we're going to remember the whitewater rafting trip where a buddy almost died, or the spontaneous trip to Seattle, or the wine and painting night where you painted that shitty thing you keep over your toilet. 

Now, do you want to catch up? Here's my bucket list. If you want to do one of these things with me, fill out the form and I'll get back to you to plan an adventure!